After the rage within the UK of the statement “Does my bum look big in this…”San Giorgio has been swept with “Are my sleeves rolled up to the same length” .Fashionista John Roscoe has spent many an hour asking his wife and others this very question. When asked why this was so important, JR is reported to have responded “That gentlemen never show more than four to five inches of bare arm flesh, as more might inflame a ladies passion”.

Contrary to JRs view most Italian men seem to be earnest in their desire to show as much of their arms and other parts of their bodies as is humanly possible. We await JRs showing on the beach this summer with interest. Will he continue to lead and others follow? Will the knotted handkerchief be displayed on Torrette beach this summer?

Then we were told that a local supermarket (A&O) were stocking some Scottish ethnic food including Walkers shortbread and Scottish jams and marmelades. Reasons for going home get even less.

Having had our old shed destroyed by the snow we eventually got round to buying a new one. We went for a “Blu Coast” shed which according to the logo is “made in Italy”. Next time we will import a shed from England.

We opted for a “Blockhaus” shed which means it has bits sticking our at all four corners rather like a log cabin. So when the shed arrived our first surprise was that it had lots of bits. Being used to panel sheds we were expecting a base, four sides, and a roof. Instead we got lots of pieces of toungue and grove to fit together.

The next surprise was the floor. We were disappointed to discover that “Italian design and innovation” doesn’t apply to shed floors. The floor was composed of 5 long batons onto which you hammered 15 planks of wood. Instead of giving 15 planks of equal width the instruction manual said one had to cut 17mm of two of the planks of wood and these became the first and last planks of the base. When hammering the wood onto the planks it was also necessary to leave 14mm of wood at top and bottom of batons and 15mm on the two side batons.

When we finally got the base done and had slotted the tongue and groove planks together we were meant to put a wooden upright in each corner of the shed and one in the centre of the back wall. Unfortunately none of the uprights were straight. So while it was possible to screw the top of the upright into the shed wall the bottom remained floating in space.

When putting the hinges on the door the instructions were very clear - the hinges were to be screwed in at 97mm from the top and the bottom. Unfortunately this is also where Blu Coast had opted to put a series of nails to hold the door frame together.

However, despite all the problems and moments of “let’s stop for a cup of tea before we lose our tempers”, the shed as you can see was finished.  My dad, who was a carpenter, would be proud of his son.

We have, sorry had, masses of cuttings to get rid off. I had arranged for the commune to come and take some away but they limit this to 2 cubic metres and we had much more. So this afternoon, noticing that our neighbour Sanzio, was buring some stuff, I decided to do likewise. Going into the unused field next to our garden, I set fire to a small piece of fire lighter and added a couple of small pieces of dried cuttings and watched in horror as it began to spread quicker than I was expecting, much quicker than I was expecting and in all directions. Bill and Sanzio responded to my calls for help . Bill arrived with a hose which allowed us to put out the fire but not before it had burn all of the cuttings and about a quarter of the field.

Bill made the quip “today the field, tomorrow San Giorgio”. I didn’t laugh, I just felt stupid.

The English class had been planning a lunch for before Christmas but it was difficult to find a date suitable to everyone. So it was decided to postpone it until after Christmas but then the snow came and it was cancelled again. Finally, the event happened last Sunday (18th March). This time we went to Stacciola. We had a great lunch. Real nice starters and very good pasta. Needless to say we ate too much. There were 5 different starters, followed by 2 different pastas, followed by roast meats, chips, vegetables and all rounded off with very rich, creamy desserts and coffee. Everyone had a good time.

English flowed like wine and hardly a word of Italian was heard.

I am very lucky to  have such a great class. We always have a good time whether in the class or on social occasions.  In the class we work our way through books from the Oxford Bookworm Series. We started on level 1 and are now on level 4. On Sunday Germana said that she had started to read the early books again and was surprised how simple they seemed. So even if they sometimes think they are not making much progress it is not true especially when we consider that it is only 90 minutes per week.

One of these three paragraphs is false, the other two are true.

Here in Italy the television equivalent of Strictly Come Dancing is a programme of over 3 hours every Saturday evening. It seems impossible for Italians to take a programme or event from abroad and keep it to a reasonable length. They really believe in milking events. The same is true for St Patrick’s Day which instead of being celebrated on one day in Urbino is now being given the 5 day treatment. We have opted not to go but we know some friends who are planning to go and we will look forward to a report particularly on the quality of the irish stew.